


Steal From the Rich (do it)

by Liberte_Egalite_Broadway



Series: I don't know who I am (but I know who I'm not) [6]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Because eat the rich, Fluff, Gay Rights, Heists performed in stilettos, It's 2019, Juno Steel becomes Juno Steal, Kissing, Minor Angst, Minor Original Character(s), Nonbinary Juno Steel, Other, Peter convinces Juno to steal something, Post-Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 07:34:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17997611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liberte_Egalite_Broadway/pseuds/Liberte_Egalite_Broadway
Summary: Juno Steel, collector of bad art, steals a painting for the first time.





	Steal From the Rich (do it)

**Author's Note:**

> I said I was done with fluff but I've been kind of down lately so I needed this. 
> 
> Yes, I did name the rich woman after a Downton Abbey character what is your point.
> 
> I wrote this fic last night and the power went out before I could post it, so either I have terrible luck or God wants me to stop writing Jupeter and do my actual original work instead.

_Repent._

The letter was exactly like several other letters Rose Aldridge had received in the last month. None were postmarked; all bore the same message and were written in the same hand. They carried the scent of cologne, but none of the investigators she hired knew what kind of cologne it was or where the letter could have come from. So they kept coming, one after the other, all in cream envelopes sealed with a red lipstick kiss. Her staff might think she had a jealous lover if she hadn't fired and replaced all of them as soon as the letters started arriving.

Because Rose Aldridge, microchip manufacturer, knew exactly what she was guilty of. And she wasn't sorry for it. 

On this particular night, she sat alone in her study, sipping tea and staring at the page on the table. She gazed at the harsh strokes of the letters over the rim of her mug. The jagged slope of them. 

"You don't scare me," she said.

" _Repent_ ," said the letter. 

"I'm not sorry for what I did," said Rose.  

" _Repent_ ," said the letter. 

Rose wanted to scream in frustration. Instead, she tossed the letter into her fireplace and smelled the cologne mixing with the cindery ash of the paper catching flame. She should add another log to the fire. The room was chilly. 

She finished her tea and sat for a while, contemplating the fire. She could no longer see the letter, but she saw the word on it, every time she closed her eyes.  _Repent._ The room was chilly. She wrapped her shawl tighter around herself.

"I'm not sorry," said Rose aloud, and then she froze. Something wasn't right. The room was  _very_ chilly. And the air suddenly smelled like a very familiar cologne...

"Are we intruding?" said a low accented voice from behind her. Rose whipped her head around. There by her window, as if they'd just climbed through it, stood a man and a woman with sharp eyes and even sharper knives. The woman had long red hair tied back at the nape of her neck. The man wore stiletto heels, and yet Rose hadn't heard him enter. And he also wore red lipstick. Red lipstick the exact color of the seal on the letters. 

"I have security," said Rose shakily. Her back hit the table. 

"We know, dear," simpered the woman. She smiled and held out her palm. The man took out one of the knives strapped to his leg and flipped it into his friend's hand. "They monitor you through that camera, yes? Our friend has fixed it already." She pressed a button on a comms and showed Rose the feed; it displayed Rose, sitting and sipping her tea just like they would expect. Her other hand tightened on the knife. 

"I'll give you whatever you want," pleaded Rose. "Anything you want." 

"Anything?" The man arched a perfectly lined black eyebrow. "But my dear Miss Aldridge! We told you what we want! We want you to _repent._ "

"I'm not sorry!" Rose ducked around the table and kept backing up. "I'm not sorry that I helped O'Flaherty build those THEIA Souls, even if it didn't work out. He was on to something. Something big."

"But of course," said the man smoothly. When he smiled, Rose saw that his teeth were as sharp as the knives strapped to his garters. "And he also offered you a big stack of cash, I take it. However, the person I love was infected with one of those Souls, and so now I have to take this matter personally. You'll give me whatever I want?"

"Anything," breathed Rose.

He stepped closer and took out a knife. Rose stared at him, wide-eyed, as he leaned close with his voice very low. All the flair was gone now. His eyes were dark, and his teeth were bared. "I want you to _get the hell_ out," he snarled, pointing the knife at the door, "and take your security team with you."

She scampered out and slammed the door behind her. 

 

It's always nice when things go the way you want them to. 

Now Peter smiles, stands up straighter, returning his knives into place. "Well, that worked excellently," he remarks. "Juno?" 

There comes a clattering sound from the window, followed by a grunt of, "Ah, dammit," and then a shuffling of curtains. A moment later, Juno Steel appears in Rose Aldridge's window and then realizes his coat has snagged on the balcony railing. He tugs on it, trips over the sill, and topples through the window and into a heap on the floor. 

_(God, Peter loves him)._

"We'll need to practice that again, it seems." Peter sweeps over and helps Juno up from the floor. "Well, what did you think of all that?"

"I think I'm really glad Rita's such a great hacker." 

"And that your boyfriend is such a great thief." 

"Only some of the time." Juno stands on tiptoe and lets Peter kiss him. His lips are rough and warm. 

"Break it up, you two," says Buddy as she sweeps Rose Aldridge's room. "We have to be out of here before she changes her mind and decides to send her security after us."

"Right." Juno glances around. "I'll stand guard, you two search the desk?"

"Buddy can search the desk." Peter gives Juno a quick squeeze and then takes his arm off the detective's waist. "I'll steal things." 

"I'll say we have above five minutes tops before we should go." Buddy goes over to the desk and begins rifling through. "Though I doubt Rose Aldrige keeps the THEIA plans in her personal desk."

"Well, they weren't in her files, Rita checked already." Juno opens the door a crack and peeks into the hallway. "Yeah, she's gone."

Peter flips out a bag from inside one of his coat pockets and examines the collection on Rose's dresser _(t_ _hose earrings aren't his style, but they might suit Rita, who always complains when she doesn't get to come on a heist),_ and half-listens to Buddy. The red-haired woman goes on about the THEIA diagrams proving Ramses' long-term plan, by establishing his connection to various manufacturers such as Rose Aldrige, something-something virtual safe, blah blah heading to the bank after this  _(is that the amazing eyeliner he got on Venus all those years ago? He thought he'd dreamed it, into the bag it goes.)_ His nimble fingers pluck a necklace from the pile on Rose's dresser. Really, anyone who handles jewels so lazily doesn't deserve to keep them. 

He coasts over to Juno, letting his fingertips brush the small of the lady's back to alert Juno of his presence. Juno half-turns around, gives him a nod and smile. "For you," says Peter, clipping the necklace around Juno's throat. He drops a kiss right above the clasp. Juno is looking at something on the wall, and when Peter follows his gaze he sees that it is an impressionistic painting in various shades of green. "Something catch your eye, Dahlia dearest?" 

"Nah, just checking out the painting." Juno points. "It's the Martian desert, see? Says so on the frame."  _(Ohh, the painting is red. That explains it.)_

"It just looks like a lot of scribbles to me," remarks Peter. 

"It's actually really valuable, I saw something about it in a magazine a while back. The artist used to be famous." 

"Used to be?" calls Buddy from across the room.

"They got on the wrong side of the Kanagawas and that's the last anyone heard of them." 

"Ah," says Peter. "Do you like the painting?" 

Juno considers it. "Yeah," he decides. "It... reminds me of home." 

"Why not take it?"

Juno turns around and looks up at him. His eyes flicker with surprise. "Wait, you're saying I should steal it?" 

"I am a master thief, Juno." 

"No, right, I know that, but that's you. I'm... different. I'm not a thief." 

"Juno, Juno," sighs Buddy. "You have a thief's lipstick on your neck right now. You're long past the deniability stage." 

Juno ducks his face to hide the blush creeping over it. "It's just... it's weird. I used to catch thieves for a living. Now I live with thieves."

Peter walks over to the painting. "May I remind you, Juno," he says, "that Rose Aldrige helped to produce the THEIA souls?" 

"That's true..."

"And may I further remind you that the THEIA soul took over that magnificent body of yours, removing your free will? That is almost destroyed your beloved city? That it made you hurt yourself and tried to make you hurt Rita?"

Juno watches him without saying a word. Peter reaches up, expertly presses his fingertips over the security locks, and unhooks the painting from the wall. "These people are not good people, Juno," he says. "You are a good person. Therefore you deserve good things. So I shall ask again: do you like this painting?" 

Juno looks at him with a maddeningly hot half-smile on his face. Then he looks back at the painting. He reaches out and takes it from Peter's hands. "I like it a lot," he says. "And it's gonna look great on my wall." 

"That's the spirit." Peter bends down and kisses Juno softly on the forehead. "I'll help you hang it when we get home."

And he goes back to stealing things.  

**Author's Note:**

> Peter is red/green colorblind you can fight me on this.


End file.
